What is new...

It has been quite a while since I have written in my blog.  I have been busy but I really did not find much to write about.  Most of the time I want to write down my feelings, however, in the past when I have done so I have been accused of hurting people's feelings.  Since that is not my intention, I have avoided blogging at all.

Now, I have arrived to a point in my life where my feelings and concerns are not put on the back-burner for the sake of anothers feelings.  Yes, I do care about not hurting anyone in any way, but I too have feelings which must be respected.  And respected by me they will be, even if others don't like it.

I have turned the page in this chapter of my journey through life.  I am learning Braille, and having a blast doing so.  I get out more and I keep myself busy on the Web.  I purchased the latest version of ZoomText screen-reading software, and I have purchased a few new tech toys.  I feel free and happy.  My spirit is one that feels like flying.  I am not going to hod it back, I am in flight.  I have tried new foods and some of my beliefs have dramatically changed.  I now celebrate birthdays, Thanksgiving and the 4th. of July.  I enjoy the company of those who enjoy mine.  I find that I laugh more often and even though my eyesight has taken a turn to darkness, I am happy with my lot in life.  I have been and continue to be blessed.

I am no longer lonely.  No, I have not started a relationship with a woman, I have restarted my relationship with life and all it has to offer.  I enjoy talking with strangers and meeting new folks.  I am more open with my feelings and I find that by being so, people accept me for who I am.  And I find that not only do they like me, but I like myself as well.

I am 57 now.  I have just begun my life.  I hope to continue growing as a person and I hope to continue acquiring knowledge, both book and practical forms.  Those who really love me will stand-by-me, others are free to leave, as it were. 

I was told more than once that I needed to get a life, well I have a life and I am having a ball.....

Count my Blessings....

Yes, it is very important in one's life to take inventory of one's life.  If we are honest with ourselves we will find much we don't like but also much we do like.  We however, tend to focus on those things we wish were different.  This is futile if the situation is out of our control, i.e. such as a physical impairment or other aspects of life which we cannot control.  If we focus our strenght on the things we cannot change we get discouraged and soon we stop trying.  So, why not focus on the good things that are part of us?  Use our time to enjoy what we have and what is going good for us.  Doing so will make us happy and chances are we even enhance our good habits and qualities.

We owe it to ourselves to encourage our personal achievements.  When we work on the things we can and should control, we don't get discouraged as quickly or at all. 

Take inventory of your life and focus on the things that bring a smile to your face....

Today...

So, life as I have often said is what you make of it.  I could sit here and dream of how I wish things were, but where would that get me?  Absolutely no where!  I have lived long enough to know that we need to move forward.  Looking back, unless it is to gain strength from a previous lesson life taught us, it is totally futile and serves us very little.  So, I will do what works for me.  I will survive and by doing so I will get stronger and get ready for the next trial. 

I am not alone...

I will be fine...

I am a simple man. I feel pain just as anyone else does. I can also feel joy. I am not always so secure of myself. I love and when I do I fall deeply in love. I fight hate since I don't want it to consume me. Yes, I do wish some aspects of my life could be different, but so be it. Somedays are really hard, but I rely on the strength that got me to a new day. Yes, it is true, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" but it sure hurts like hell. I will be fine. I always am. I have to be. Just feeling a little down right now. Hey after all I am only human. I strive to create new memories, hopes and wishes. I blame no one for how I feel. I control how I feel or don't feel. Sometimes it's just a little harder to be strong. I will however reach deep into my soul and fight the demons which try to bring me down. I once found myself in the pits of hell, and I slowly clawed my way out. I swore to myself I would never allow myself to visit that dark place ever again. Is it easy? No it is not, but my life depends on it.....




And I am not saying this because I feel neglected, for I have learned to be satisfied with what I have. 12 I know what it is to be in need and what it is to have more than enough. I have learned this secret, so that anywhere, at any time, I am content, whether I am full or hungry, whether I have too much or too little. 13 I have the strength to face all conditions by the power that Christ gives me.

Phil. 4: 11-13



SMILE

Life and what we choose....

Well it has been a little while since I last blogged, and many things have changed in my life since then. I continue to learn about life and people. Not all is good, but as I often say, "It is what it is!" I stopped trying to figure why people do certain things a long time ago, instead I use my time and efforts finding ways to continue living in relative happiness in spite of them. You see one of the valuable lessons I have learned is that life goes on and we could choose to move ahead with it or just wither and die. I for my part want to see what life has in store for me. While it has shocked me at times, it has also found a way to make me happy to be alive. I live for those moments. They do come and when they do, we feel alive and brand new. I decided a few years ago that I can and will be happy regardless of what comes my way. You see, it is up to me to choose. Yes, I don't always like what comes my way, but how I handle it makes all the difference in the world. If we aren't careful, we get so caught up in the negative, that we totally miss out on the good. We drown ourselves in "why me" and surround ourselves with people who are also miserable. What are the chances of recovery then? Very small to zero. The old saying, "Misery loves company: is so very true. I would rather be by my self than with someone who encourages feeling sorry for oneself. I want to live and enjoy life. I am not going to allow anyone or anything to hinder my attempts to accomplish this! Hope that if you are reading this and find yourself in a bad page of your life, that these words can give you the strength to turn the page forward and find your peace.....

One never stops being a father...

As a father one wishes that all of his children grow up as successful adults. For some children this comes easier than for others. Some will claim that this is due to lack of effort or simply never growing up, this may or may not be true since every situation is different. As a father one tries to see the abilities of each child as an individual, never comparing one child to another of his or her siblings.

The decisions a father makes will be questioned by many and many feel they have the solutions to problems which arise. It is easy to speak your mind and point the finger at what you percieve to be the root of the problem. However, life is not always that b cut and dry. Life teaches us many things one of which is to be patient and try your best to put yourself in the other persons shoes. It always amazes me how we are willing to do this for total strangers but at the same time are willing to diss-own a brother or sister when they are not meeting our expectations for them. And that I might add is what it comes down to, expectations one has set for another person without any right to do so. God has given us the right to choose our own way and if that way is not the best for us but we choose to take it anyway, it is sad that we may be viewed as a failure or embarrassment to our family. We need our family when things are not going as we thought they should or would. But sadly that is when we are cast-off as a dissapointment. How sad that once we have reached our goals we look down on those who for whatever reason have not and maybe never will.

This is where a father who is truly a father can find reasons and ways to be proud of each of his children. Yes, some make that decision an easy one since they seem to make all the right decisions and are always succeeding at what they want to accomplish in life. On the other hand you have the other child who can't quite get a grip on life as easily as they would like to. This child by no means is a dissapointment to the father, and it would be a sin to cast-off this one just to appease the wishes of another.

Walk in my shoes, you may see things in a different light, try it...your children will love you for it!

One Monday in October...

Not just any Monday, but the day my first child was to come into the world. Yes, it was on Monday the 21st. day of 1974 that Jennifer Marie was born. I remember vividly that morning. My sister and Mom were going about their normal routine. They were getting ready to go preaching. I was still in bed when Janet cried out that her water bag had broken. We called my mother down by us and before you knew it, we were on our drive to St. Mary's hospital in the north side of the city. We lived in the southwest side at that time.

Well, there we were at the hospital. Jan was admitted since there was no doubt she would have the baby on that day. My mother and sister waited for a while and then they left. I stay, of course. After a couple of hours the Doctor came and told me that there was a problem. I still recall the sinking sick feeling that came over me. Was my wife, my girl who I loved so very much, in danger. Was she going to die? Was our unborn child in danger? Was I going to lose one or both of them? All these thoughts ran through my head at 100 miles and hour. I did not want to lose either one of them, but I felt so small, not knowing what to do. The Doctor then proceeded to tell me what the issue was. Jan was not dialating properly, hope I spelled that word correctly. Anyway, if things did not improve soon, then Jan would need a "C-section". Boy was I scared! Jan was also, as you could imagine, very frightened. We loved each other and we wanted to be together, and we wanted our baby to be born ok. Well, it seemed like time was standing still while at the same time everything was happening so quickly.

Well, the dreaded moment came. The Doctor came and told me that they could not wait any longer without placing the baby in danger. So, I signed the papers so that they could perform surgery. I tried to keep a calm look for Jan's sake, but we knew each other so well, she knew how I felt.

It seemed like an eternity and all those crazy thoughts ran through my mind over and over. Finally, I was told that my baby was born. She was a girl. I was so happy but still worried since I had no info on Janet's condition yet. I soon heard she was fine. of coursse she would need to go to recovery. I remembered the Nuns rolling my little girl to the nursery. I wanted to hold her so bad, but rules were much different back then. I could not even be in the same room until much later.

We named her Jennifer, after the girl in the movie love story. All my prayers to God had been answered. Not only did I get to keep Jan in my life, but now we had a daughter. She was as beautiful as her mom and they shared the same green color in their eyes. They were the greatest things to happen to me in my youth....