I am learning...

Yes, I am still learning at the age of 55. The difference now is the way I look at things. I can honestly say that I know myself better than I did a few years ago. I know much more clearly what my breaking point is and I am better equipped emotionally to handle situations. In my personal life I know what I can control and what I cannot. Among the things I cannot and will not control are other peoples actions. Whether their actions, or for that matter inactions, have an effect on my life. I cannot control what people say or do, and I really don't want to anyway. I much rather spend my energy becoming the best person I can be, not only for myself, but for those around me who may look at me as an example in their lives. I have five granddaughters who I love very much and who love me in return. I am their grandpa and I know they look up to me and I WILL NOT! let them down as long as it is in my power. My youngest son is 24 and pretty much on his own, but also with him I am careful not to effect how he looks at me as his father. I hope to help him in anyway I can so he reaches his full potential. My other 3 children have made their own lives apart from mine and I am very proud of them, and I am very blessed that even though they have lives of their own they have allowed me to be a part of their lives and family.

People still do things which shock me and even hurt me, but I have a different way of handling those situations. I try to be as objective as possible and I try not to judge. I may not agree with certain things but I know enough to keep my thoughts to myself. If their is one thing I have learned in life it is the fact that you can speak to a person about anything at all, and if they choose to ignore you that is their choice, regardless of the cost. I would say one can speak til they are blue in the face and if the other person does not want to hear it, then you wasted much energy on nothing. That is where the difference has come in my life, I still try to help those who want or ask for my help, but I no longer volunteer my help or viewpoint when not asked to do so. It actually has made me a stronger person. I am much more in control of my thoughts and actions. I decide what is best for me, I no longer allow others decisions or lack there of, to affect how I will act. It is a work in progress, I must say, since I am often faced with situations which are not your normal life ones. Especially on those occasions do I need to be extra mindful of my reactions, since I know others are waitin to see how and if I will act. I have found that many times the best thing to do is to do nothing. If it is not something I can or care to control, it is best not to even try. This especially holds true when it comes to bad decisions or poor judgement on the part of others, this can be very touchy and it is best not to volunteer opinions or even to express "would haves" and "should haves." As I said, I am stronger and smarter now. I strive to live and let live. I am happy with my decisions and hope to continue on my course to self-improvement and I hope that with them I also reap peace and happiness.....

The Cubs?

Yes, I am a Sox fan, However, i had never been to Wrigley Field and when presented with the opportunity to go, well I just could not pass it up. My Son Anthony got some tickets and we watch the Cubs and Yankees play. The Cubs lost, but that really did not dampen the experience for me. It was really cool. All the people, close to 42k, were there to have fun. Since it was Fathers Day, there were many Dad's with there children, I was one of them. Now I can officially say I have been to a Cubs game.

I enjoy doing things with my children. Yeah, I know they arn't children anymore, but to me they always will be, and I will always be their Dad. I just hope I can live up to that title.

My time with them is unique, even if it is simply going shopping or for a ride. They are a part of me and I hope to always be a part of their lives. I know I talk a whole lot, and I even repeat myself a lot, but for the most part we have very intellectual conversations.

Anyway, I did enjoy the game and truly enjoyed being with Anthony. Today I come back to reality and I am once again a Sox fan. Interesting though how today the 20th. day of June, the Cubs and Sox are playing at The Cell. Oh, yeah I did...root for the Cubs!

Our quest for happiness...

I am by no means an expert on this subject, however, it is something I feel like blogging about. Anyone who knows me is aware that I do believe in love and I can be a romantic person. I say this because our quest for happiness most of the time involves love or a romantic encounter. What I have found is that many times we look in all the wrong places for the answers to our quest for happiness. Sadly we or someone else gets hurt. Sadly, this hurt is often times more than a physical pain. It is an emotional one which really tears us up.

I have found that while it is a beautiful thing to be romantically in love with someone, when it is not possible to be in a relationship with that person because they are involved with someone else, or simply don't want anything to do with us in a romantic way, we can and and should find happiness in our lives by seeking out those who do love and want to be with us. Granted this does not involve romance, since most of the time this happiness is found in our children or, if we are so blessed, in our grandchildren. But we can fill a very large void in our hearts if we reach out to those who love us back without conditions. We owe it to ourselves to find such genuine love. If we spend all our lives, especially if we are in our later years of life, looking for love and magical romance we may wake up one day and find that we let treasures in our life just get away because we were too busy in our quest for happiness in all the wrong places and with all the wrong people. Sometimes the one that can bring us true unconditionnal love has been in our lives the whole time, we just refuse to admit or accept it...

There is a difference...

As life goes on we learn many new things. Some we learn because we want to and others we learn from our mistakes. I have found that some of the best things I have learned are things I have learned and discovered about myself as a person. I thought I new myself pretty well, but I have noticed some attributes I have which I am just beginning to discover.

I however worry a little that some may view some of these as weakness instead of strength. But no matter what others may feel or think of my actions, it is what I feel which really matters.

There are situations in life where we can react with anger and hate, or with calmness and unerstanding and love. I know that there is a place for anger and hate but there is a fine line where we need to consider each situation as unique and not bunch all things together. For example, if someone I love is hurt by another person, intentionally that is, I feel anger and hate. If on the other hand someone wrongs me, I calmly think about the matter and weigh the pros and cons of my reactions.

I find that we can be of help to others, especially those we love, if we are calm and understaning and don't judge and demand answers. Odds are that under such situations much more is accomplished when discussed in a later occasion when all have had time to reflect and objectively think of what should and could be done to avoid such bad situations from occuring again. When we love someone we want to help them, not destroy them. Yes, I know that at times some need to be jerked back into re ality when they are on a road to self-destruction. But even then we can actually alienate that person if we aren't carefull and then our chances to help them and to demonstrate our love for them is hampered, if not totally destroyed.

I feel at peace with myself and I believe that is helping me to cope with the pain and anger I have. I am only human after all. I will continue to do my best to grow as a person and hopefully I can be of help to those I love and to good people in the world who may need my help and understanding.
May God Bless us all, and bring vengeance against those who are evil....

When I was younger...

When I was younger let's say about 10, I used to believe that the world was going to end soon. I never thought I would be here at the age of 55. I did not know that anyone alive then would still be around. I should qualify that by saying those who weren't of a certain religion, would not be around. I was not baptized into that religion yet so I did not count myself among the survivors of a world destruction. I took care of that when I turned 11 by getting baptized into that religion. It sure was a lot for a kid of 10 years of age to worry about, but I was taught to believe and accept such things.

I did learn many good things which protected me from harm, but I also lived a very sheltered and scary childhood. I was guilty of raising my children in a similar way. I was not however, as strict as my father was. My oldest two got the toughest part of it. I did allow them to have friends and to have fun. I tried not to scare them into getting baptized. My oldest daughter did see the need to get baptized before entering High School. My oldest son did not get baptized and that is fine. My younger two got it much easier since my thinking was changeing with every year that went by. I still wanted my children to have a solid foundation but, I did not believe that only by being a member of a certain religion could this be achieved. And I was right! My four children are great adults who have good principles and beliefs. They do believe in a God, but in their own way, not one dictated by me or other men. I am very proud of my children and I thank God for giving me the wisdom to do a good job, along with their mom, to raise pretty sound adults.

Well, the world is still here and so am I 45 years later. I hope to be around much longer! I love being alive and I love people. I love people of all colors and backgrounds and beliefs. I believe in a God who loves all people and views us all as his children. I have reached a part in my life which I hope will stay with me forever. I am at peace with myself. I am not perfect and I have made mistakes and sinned many times. But as a father I also believe my Heavenly Father loves me and will forgive me and help me to extend a hand to someone in need or provide a smile to brighten someones day. I only ask that I am blessed as I have been for the rest of my life....

Chance...

Chance is the name of my new dog. No, I did not give him that name, his original owners did. But it turns out to be a great name. You see I adopted him from Illinois Doberman Rescue and I had adopted a Doberman from them about two years ago and I returned him to IDR, and their policies are pretty strict so they drop you from the approved list when you return a dog after the two week probation period. I did not know I had been dropped until I expressed interest in Chance only to be told I was not on the approved list any longer.

While I do understand rules I did not fully agree with them and in a very kind manner asked them to reconsider my qualifications. They did and decided to give me a second chance, now with Chance.

He is pretty cool. He is a blue dobe. His color is actually a silver-blue with the normal tan markings of a dobe. He is one and a half years old. He is very gentle and listens well. He is not as hyper as Baron my other dobe was. He is a big boy at about 70lbs. He is really good in the house and outside. I hope he works out. I have always had a weakness for large dogs and Dobes and Rotts are my favorite.

I new from the get go that this guy had a great temperment. When my granddaughters met him it was as if he knew them all his life. He shows no aggression toward people or other dogs. My MinPin Summer, growls at him and took all of his bones and he just lets her get away with it.

He has a great bark and he will bark at people who come to the front door, but once they are inside he is calm. I think he is going to be fine with me. He reminds me of our Rott Oso.

Joy in my World...

You know I have not written much lately but I feel the need to record the latest happenings in my life.

There has ben a mixture of sadness and happiness. I will start with the sad. My granddaughter Lauryn fractured a bone in her leg when a kid fell on her during gym. She is in a cast and expected to make a full recovery. I however hate when stuff like that happens. I don't want any of my babies to be in any kind of pain. Then my other granddaughter, Malaya, also fractured a bone in her arm when she fell while playing at school. She had to go to the hospital to get it snapped into place. She is also in a cast and will make a full recovery. I hated the thought of her having to deal with such horrible pain. May God Bless my babies and help them recover quickly.

Now for some good news! Naomi and Melecio, my daughter and Son-in-law got a home of their own. it is in Bollingbrook. IL. It is a real nice home with enough rooms and space for their family. The yard is big and Private. No it does not have a privacy fence, but there is no alley, for me that is privacy. and one less thing to worry about. I know they will do well there cause it took a lot of work and effort to get the home, so they will do all it takes to keep it.

My son Anthony filled all our families weekend with joy when he proposed marriage to his beautiful girlfriend, Irina. We are all so very happy and proud. We all want the best for Anthony and Irina is the BEST! I really love that young lady, and her family are great people. Her mom Marina, dad Gene, and brother Vitali,are special people. They are as loving and kind as their daughter. Her grandma Luba, is a beautiful woman who displays warmth and love. Leon her husband is a super kind person also. I have not known many Russian people in my life, but Irina, her family and friends are definitely the Cream Of The Crop. They are the kind of people I could spend hours with for hours at a time and not get bored or lose interest. They are so genuine. God Bles them all.

We all met at an engagement party my son had for all of us. It was beautiful. The people, as I mentioned, were the best, the food was the best, and my son and future wife were and are the best!!