Ever wonder what I see?

I am sitting here thinking about what others think, if they do at all, about what I can and can't see.

Well, for those who care to know, I will try to explain it. it.

I have what is called Retinitis Pigmentosa with light perception. I can tell if a light is on or off, I can tell if it is night or day. I however, cannot see shapes and figures. When a light is extremely bright I can only see that light no matter how many dark areas there may be around. You might view it as a blinding light. Light, especially bright lights hurt my eyes. I cannot see any colors. If you shine a bright light at me when in a dark room, I can see the light, but I cannot follow it since it is broken up into many parts and to try and figure out the source of the light is futile. A beam of light is not a single one for me, once I notice it, it is a bunch of lines floating all over the place.

Those of you who know me, know I use a computer. How can I do so? I have a screen reader which reads all the screen for me, or I should say it sometimes reads the screen. It is not perfect. It also has a screen magnifier which really is for those with some sight left. One thing it does have is a tool which makes the background black and the letters white. The letters are not just white but to me they are made to look as a flourescent light on a black surface. Can I make these letters out. No not really. I can tell where a letter is when I am typing since the light is moveing, However that is where the light or in this case the letters start to bounce around. If I magnify the words to about 32x the normal size, I might be able to see the letter, but then the light given off the letter is so bright to me that it hurts my eyes and after a few minutes I have a headache, it actually causes a piercing pain.

About that light I was talking about, if I am in a dark room and a door is opened where there is a bright light in the other room, I can tell you that the light is on, but I cannot and will not try to walk through that door. Why not? Because while you see the clear outline of the doorway, I see many of the same. I can see at minimum 5 spectrums of light, and for me to pick the right one is not easy. I would do so if it was a matter of life or death, however, on a daily life situation I don't. I walk pretty fast and my forehead, especially my eyebrowse will tell you by the scars how many times I failed to find the correct opening. It is no fun walking into the corner of an open door, or the sharp corner of a wall. As I mentioned before, the source of light is not clearly defined. And since I cannot see shadows,shapes or figures I can't tell where the dorr or it's frame are located.

I listen to sounds and voices to guide my way. If you stant at an open door and speak to me, chances are that I will find you and the door. That is why I love wind chimes so much. If placed in the proper location they assist me in my moving around and getting a sense of where I am.

It is not fun to live like this but it is what it is. Life goes on and so will I. So if you ever shine a light at me and I respond by looking in that direction, don't assume I can see, as some asses have done before. Nothing could be further from the truth. In fact now that you have read the facts, you know, or should have a better understanding.

So, in a nutshell, I can tell the difference between night and day, I can't see your face, I cannot see a shape no matter it's size, I can tell if a bright flourescent object is shining but I can't look at it for more than a few seconds. I rely on my hearing and touch as my modes of assistance in my travel.

i hope that you can better understand blindness now. I am not visually impaired I am blind. Visually impaired individuals have some usable sight. There is a myth out there which has led people to believe that a blind person only sees blakk. Think about it for a moment, if a person was born blind, what is the color black to him or her? I was not born completely blind, I had night blindness and then my blindness progressed. I was able to enjoy colors and when I ask what color something is, I try to form a picture in my brain using the color as I remember it to be.

There are many disabled individuals with and aray of problems both physical and emotional, and if you take the time to read and try to understand what a day in their life is like, you are a much better person for having done so...

Thanks for reading and God Bless....