Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Clean your PC...

Yes, I am a stickler about running scans on my pc and cleaning up unused files and such, but when it comes to the interior of the physical PC, I have tended to ignore it. Well, my PC sounded as if it were a plane ready to take flight. I thought maybe the fan or other cooling parts were failing, but I decided to do something I had done years ago on my first PC. I opened it up and removed the fan an cleaned it along with the mother board and heat sync. It did have plenty of dust in it. I used a common hair dryer on the cool setting. I plan on purchasing a can or two of compressed air to do a better job. I put it back together and it is working like a charm.

One bit of advice, take the unit outdoors since there is plenty of dust in the unit which you don't want all over the house.

Hopefully it will now continue to run smoothly, maybe now I won't need to get up just to turn it off...

Living a lie?...

Many people are living a lie. Not because they have to do so, rather because they choose to do so. Admitting to their true feelings would not be a popular thing to do. What a difficult existance that becomes...

I choose not to live my life that way. I know how I feel and why I do so, so why cover it up simply because it would be what others expect of me? That's not for me. I love and all know that I do. Shakespeare said that we must above all else, be true to ourselves. It actually is the most honest way to be. I love the mother of my children, she was my true first love, and the only woman I have loved in such a way. I am not going to try and change that feeling. Some may say that I am a fool for still loving her, I say I would be fooling no one if I pretended not to.

Life is so short and living it just to please others simply takes the joy out of it. Not that I don't care about my immediate family and their feelings, I am speaking of those who think they have a right to say how one should or should not feel. Many of whom are living a lie themselves. Will these feelings change...God only knows. I have lived long enough to realize that nothing nor anyone last forever. And love just as any living thing will die if not fed and nourished.

Friday, July 23, 2010

When things don't go our way...

As wee go through life and years come and go, we are going to face many times when things don't go our way. We get upset and are sad because they did not work out how we expected or wanted them to.

I have found that we spend way too much time feeling bad about such occasions. If there is nothing we can do to change what has or hasn't happened, then we really are wasting valueable time and energy. When things are out of our control, that is exactly what they are, out of our control. It is highly likely that no matter what we say or do, it is not going to matter.

On the other hand, how much time are we investing on those things we do have control over. Chances are, very little. This happens cause they have not presented us with rejection or a negative effect yet. Why do we wait for things to go wrong before we pay attention to them? We don't mean to ignore such things, but we do. How much better it would be to invest our time and energy on such things as those we can and do control. These things and their positive outcome can bring us joy and a feeling of accomplishment. While I am on this subject, once we have taken care of a matter successfully, we should celebrate it and spend time enjoying the results of our work. Is it not far better to enjoy something we accomplished, rather then feeling sad and defeated over something we had no control over....

Friday, July 16, 2010

Busy...

Yes, I have been busy. Many folks are under the impression that as a blind person I have nothing to do. They are wrong. I keep active and I just don't sit at home and mope.

I enjoy when I am included in certain activities. For example, Jan has asked me to go along as she chooses her furniture, I enjoy that. She really doesn't need my help, she has a very good sense for style.

Her brother has been in town and I have spent some time with him. It is pretty cool, he is a police officer from Missouri.

I was reading some info sent to me about the right of blind persons to live in the world. There have been and still are those who don't feel we should be included in the mainstream of normal living. Many would rather donate money and have us stay in a secure environment, instead of having to deal with us on a daily basis, either in the work place or just out in public.

I say 'deal with us' since that is how they look at us. They view us as an added stress to their lives, and they much rather not deal with it.

I would like to express to those holding this point of view that I am an independent person and I don't want their pity and I can get around without their help. We as disabled people for the most part welcome an opportunity to demonstrate our abilities to those who are sincere in their quest for knowledge. I however, have no time for those who simply wish to point out our limitations. They too have limitations, and in fact their limitations are much more constricting than any one I may encounter. The reason for that is simple, I see a limitation as a challenge and they use their's as an excuse for their conduct or limited points of view.

So, yes I have been busy, doing the things normal people do, ooopps I guess that makes me normal.....

Monday, July 12, 2010

When a family member dies...

There are those who may not consider an ex-father-in-law as a family member, but if you know anything about me from reading my blog, you know that I don't abide by what others think or don't think is a proper course of action.

I have always considered Jan's family as my family also. I will always feel this way. This brings me to the point of this post. My father-in-law passed away this Saturday, July the 10th. at 7:11 p.m.

Jan and I stood by his bedside as he left this earth and all the pain was left behind. Jan held her Dad's hand as she told him how much she loved him. It was very peaceful. It was a sad moment but at the same time it was a very special moment which I am grateful Janet allowed me to share with her.

Death of a loved one is something I will never get used to. I have lost many close friends and family, including my Mom, however, I feel the terrible feelings as if they were new. And in fact they are new. I say that because each individual had their own private and unique space in my heart. I loved them for different reasons and of course in different ways. But I did love them. I feel for the family since the loss is deeper for them, or is it? I am not judging anyone, I just wonder sometimes...

I am glad that I was there with Jan and for Jan. She loves her Dad and the loss was painful. She is a strong woman and she probably did not need me there, so I am grateful to her for allowing me to be with her through this. I would have gone anyway since I do care for the family, but It meant so much more being there in support of Jan. I can also include my son and daughter. It may not sound like a big deal, but Janet me and Anthony and Jen, were the only family represented by parents and grandchildren. It is not a big deal just an observation. It actually was fitting since they are the oldest of his grandchildren.

I hope that the healing time for Janet is a short and easy one. I hope I have been able to express to her my willingness to be there for her whenever and for whatever....