Friday, December 25, 2009

What a great movie...

I caught this movie at the middle so I don't know all the particulars, but what I saw was great.

I started watching when this young woman was ringing the bell to a house, as the man greeted her with joy, she acted confused. She then said I know I must live here since my driver's lic. has this as my address.

Since I did not see the beginning I don't know for how long she was missing or how she lost her memory. She had to children who she could not remember. The young man that answered the door was her husband, whom she could not remember either. He did not get crazy and expect her to snap out of it right a way. He told her that they would take it slow and wait for her to remember. It was difficult for her cause as youu can imagine she wanted to remember so very much. She made the best of it even though she did not know what was expected of her. She did not remember if she worked out side of the home or what groups she might belong to and stuff llike that which we mostly take for granted. She played with her children even though they could tell she did not know who they were. It did not show her and her husband being intimate or even kissing. He loved her and just wanted her to find herself. He was willing to wait and he told her so. He was so kind and loving to her that she liked him, even though she did not know if she loved him.

Well, they tried to keep this memory loss from everyone, but here came xmas dinner and her parents invited themselves over. She tried to make the best of it even though she saw them as total strangers. The children told the grandma that their mom was crazy and she did not even know who they were. So, of course the grandma started asking questions and the girl could not answer them since she had no recall of who she was supposed to be. Well during this argument, the young mand stepped in and told the mother in law that he loved his wife and that he loved the old her as well as the new. He also added that she should shut up and leave. Well, the lady was shocke but she left, taking her husband with her.

Now, the young lady whose name I can't remember, looked at him and said, "I can't believe you told my mother to shut up" to which he answered, "Neither can I" then they walked outside and she asked him if he meant what he said about loving her, and he said yes I meant it and I do love you as you are and as you were. They kissed and then she said, "Wooo, I am dizzy" and he said what I would have said, "Yeah, I have that effect on women". She said no I realy don't feel good. Then her mind went into fast rewind and she was herself again! I think it was beautiful! He really loved her and I believe that his intense love helped her regain her memory. And not to speak of that great kiss! Love what a beautiful thing!!

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

What does it take to make you happy...

Better yet, how much does happiness cost? Well, that depends on each individual. I have learned that if you expect a whole lot from life or from individuals in your life, you are open to much dissapointment. While if you expect little or nothing from life or others, than you may be in for a surprise or two.

Just think about it for a moment...when you have your heart set on recieveing a certain gift, nothing but that will satisfy you, no matter if the gift or gifts you recieve are far more expensive than what you wanted, it fell short of making you happy. So, the cost of an item is not what makes it the right gift or surprise. In fact, in many cases the item is hated or just put in a corner or closet where it can't remind you of what you really wanted and expected.

Believe it or not, you don't have to express your dissapointment, the giver will clearly notice that they fell short of making you happy.

Now, if you are the kind of person that does not expect anyone to go out of their way for your happiness, then little things done in your behalf will make you and the giver happy. I have become like this in my life. I don't expect anything from anyone, cause no one owes me anything. If I want something bad enough I save up and I buy it for myself. I am being perfectly honest when I say that I actually feel uncomfortable recieveing gifts. I enjoy giving when I can, but never expect anything in return. Which brings up another issue, if you give expecting to be given something in return you are setting yourself for dissapointment. Let's say that for your friends birthday you go and spend a good amounnt of money on gifts for your friend and you are expecting that when your birthday comes around you will recieve in like manner the same value in gifts? Wow, how upset you become if you don't get any gifts at all from that person, or what they got you doesn't meet up to what you got them. You see how now the joy of your giving and recieveing has been taken away by your own expectations?

I don't know about you, but I would rather be pleasantly surprised than to be all upset and make others hurt because of my unfounded expectations. So the answer to how much does it take to make you happy, well it completely depends upon you and you alone. Not on the giver or the value of a gift. In fact you can be very happy with just what you already own. Happiness should not depend on how much you own or how much money you have saved up. In fact those things without love and family mean very little. There are countless stories of real people with many possessions who were never happy, they would have gladly given it all up for happiness. So, think about it, what does it take to make you happy...

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

This time of the year...

Yeah, I know I don't believe in all that is xmas, but one thing I do enjoy is how everyone seems to be in a joyous mood. Everyone is smiling and wishing you a good time. Even if the weather is nasty out, it seems warm with all the greetings and stuff.

Wouldn't it be nice if somehow we could manage to feel this way all the time. Maybe one day.

I am pretty relaxed, but I don't do all the shopping people do and I don't go out any more than I usually do, so maybe that is why I notice just the nice part.

Whatever the reason it is nice when people can just get along with one another.

I will enjoy it while it last, hope you do too.

Monday, December 21, 2009

Fears...

Fears, we all have them at one time or another, if not all the time. If you are an anxious person, you know exactly what I am talking about.

Sometimes are fears are so vivid that we don't want to think about them, talk about them or be reminded of them.

Well, I can't speak for others but in my case I have found that if I face my fear instead of avoiding it, I can deal with it a little better. One thing I do is ask Myself, "If this that I am fearing becomes reality, what is the worse that could happen, will I die, will someone I love die, or will something really bad happen?" I know it is scary to think about it, but if you are honest with yourself you will admit that you are asking yourself or worried about those very things. I have found that after facing the fear the outcome is not as horrible as I thought. Another thing I consider is what if by thinking about the worst possibilities I can beat them to the punch by findin a solution! If I hide from my fears then I can't do anything about them.

I also have come to realize that if I put things in order of importance, placing the things that really matter on top, and all the rest in it's proper place, I can deal with things in a more productive way. Why spend valuable time worrying about things that won't really make a difference one way or another?

Okay, what if one of your fears becomes a reality, are you better off avoiding it, hiding from it, or not doing anything at all? Would it not be to your advantage to face it, read about a possible solution, work at making it better? What if it is an illness? Well do you think it will get better by worrying about it, or ignoring it? I think not. I think that if we prepare ourselves, educate ourselves and do whatever it takes to fight even and illness is far better than just allowing it to destroy us or even cause our death. I don't know about you but if I can add a day of life just by having a good attitude, well why not.

It is similar to a building. If left unrepaired and just ignored, when the storms come they will do more damage or even destroy it completely. Our very being, our body, our soul is just like that building, it we don't take care of it when the storms come we will be overcome by them. But just like a building which is taken care of and looked after can withstand many storms with little or no damage, so can we if we take care of ourselves, face our fears and become emotionally strong in order to face things and overcome them for ourselves and those we love.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Why a blog...

Well, for starters it's the thing of this century. I have always kept a Journal which no one has ever read. A blog allows me the option of writing what I feel on a particular day and making it public to whoever wants to read it.

What if nobody reads it? That is fine, I still like to put certain things in writing, and I like to go back and read what I wrote and see how I felt at a certain time in my life. And who knows someone out there may be reading and enjoying my blogs. I feel that if more people take advantage of the technology that is availble to them, they will be a much happier and complete individual.

I am blind, but if I did not take advantage of the adaptive technology available to me, life would be a lot dimmer for me. Imagine, I get bored having all this availble to me, how would I feel if I did not take advantage of it?

Years ago when I could still see the world around me, I loved to go for walks. I enjoyed just seeing people and things. I would walk around and stop into stores on my way. I would sometimes have a bite to eat or just a donut and cup of coffee. I really enjoyed living that way. I do miss it but I try not to think about it too much cause I could easily become depressed.

I try to be honest in what I write. I hope not to insult anyone with my views. After all don't we all have the right to have a point of view? Yes! we most definiely do. So, if you are one of those who are reading, thanks! If you come across something that I have written and you think someone might like reading it, or even benefit from it, by all means share it with them. After all I am posting these on Google, nothing is secret on Google.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Every year about this time...

I remember my childhood with my mother. Not that I don't think about her at other times, it's just that the 21st. of December of 1991 is the year she died.

I really don't think of her in a sad way. She made that possible for me by being strong all through her illness. She put up a good fight, but at the end it is as if she new it was time to let go.

What I remember about when I was a child with my mom, is her kindness towards others. I often tell the story of our 'town drunk' who could always count on a warm meal because of my mom. Yeah this guy called Tino an older Puertorican man lived on our block in a basement, he spent most of his time drinking. I don't know why. When he was sober he would sell snow cones. He had this large table where he would place a block of ice which he would scrape to make the ice cone. He had gallons of different flavored syrup that he would pour over the snow cone. They used to cost .05 cents but I did not have to pay for mine. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that my mother would save those aluminum tins that pies come in and she would make a plate of food and have me take it out to Tino. She would tell me how everyone had a right to have a good meal. I remember his favorite was white rice and red beans. Not a problem since my dad ate rice just about everyday. I used to get tired of it back then, but boy I could go for a plate of rice and beans right now.

He was not the only one though, my mom always made extra food cause she said you never know who could show up. And believe me someone always showed up.

My mom never went to school, but you would not know that by speaking with her or seeing her handy work. She would tackle any job. She had to be that way since her mom died when my mom was barely 18. and she was the oldest girl of 8 kids. Her and ther brother had to take over since their father, my grandfather, was blind. She learned to make dresses for little girls that she would then sell for food. She learned to read and write on her own.

The lessons she taught me you don't learn from books. Now that I am older I have come to appreciate that some of the lessons she taught me as a child would help me to deal with very difficult times in my adult life. When she was alive I could go to her with my problems, when she was no longer there I learned to gain strenght from my lessons as a child. This did not happen automatically, I missed my mom very much in the beginning. Yes, I still do miss her but in a different way. I would not want her to stay alive while being so sick just so I could have her around, that is greed not love.

I don;t know how many of the things in my life would have taken place as they have since my mother died, but I must be honest and say that I am glad she was not hear to see many of the things that have happened. Yes, she was strong, but we all have our breaking point. One thing I will say is that my mother will live forever in the hearts of those she touched while alive.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

A year ago today...

Yes, it has already been a year since my Dad was hit by the 'sUV on 79th. I recall that day very well. I had taken my then guide dog Kyliek, to the vet. I was making a pot of beef stew, when I heard the front door bell ring. When I answered it thinking it was my father, since this would be his normal time to arrive, a young man handed me a bag and said here's your lunch, I brought it cause your dad was hit by an SUV down the street. I recall just wondering if he was dead or alive. I threw my lunch on the recliner and asked the guy, how was my dad, and I told him that I was blind, something I point out to people since I don't know if they can tell just by looking at me, I asked him to please take me where the ambulance was. I yelled out to my son Dave what had happened and left. When I got to where my dad was the guy that drove me there told me his name was George as he pointed out the groceries on the ground that my dad was bringing home. I really did not care about that, I just wanted to see how he was. I was helped into the ambulance where my dad was on the cot being checked by the paramedic. I went by him and told him I was there, not knowing if he had noticed or not. The paramedic girl said I needed to sit down since they were going to drive him to the hospital. I answered some of her questions, as I tried to reassure my dad that he was going to be okay, actually I think I was trying to convince myself. We arrived at the hospital and he got all the attention you would expect a 79 year old man would get after being struck by a vehicle.

I could tell by the answers my dad was giving them that he was not all there. I did not panic since I knew that I had to be strong. I called my children and informed them of what happened, and told them to be calm that everything was going to be okay. I recall telling Dave to turn off the beef stew since I had forgotten to do so.

Janet was the first to arrive to the ER room since she works at Christ, the hospital where my dad had been taken. They were already taking x-rays and making sure nothing was visibly broken. I sat in a chair and let them do their work.

Well, It is one year later and my dad made it through all of that. Right now is almost the exact time this all took place last year, and just like that day I don't know where my dad is, He goes out everyday with his Church and I don't ever know if he is coming home on the bus or is getting a ride. I am happy to say that he has pretty much recovered from the accident. I only hope I am as strong as he is when I am 80!!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Stories to tell my grandchildren...

Oh yeah I have many, but two that I think are really cool, are the snow storms of 1967 and 1996.

In 1967, in Chicago in the month of January we had a recorded snow fall amount of 23.0 inches of snow. As a kid I loved it. I recall shoveling the snow and having two huge walls of snow on either side of me. All traffic stopped running and the grocery stors soon ran out of stuff since the trucks could not get in to deliver. As a kid I did not care about that, I just enjoyed the snow. I remember my friend Junior and I dug out some snow and nade and igloo where we played. I had a cat named Tiger at the time, he had never gone outside but when we were going out one day he ran out the front door and sank all the way down into the snow. I thought he was dead, but no, he jumped out and kept running, I did not see him for 2 weeks after that.

There were mounds and mounds of snow everywhere. People could not find there cars, and when they did, where were they going to throw the sno? The main streets had abandoned vehicles all over. These were the vehicles of those that got stranded in the storm not being able to drive anywhere. I am sure that for many it was a nightmare, but for me it was one of the coolest times of my childhood

Well, that is when I was a kid. 'fast-forward to January 1996, not in Chicago, but in New York. I arrived in New York during the beginning of a 27.0 inch. snow storm that hit the city. By the time I arrived in Yorktown Heights, where I was going to train for my first guide dog, the state was pretty much paralysed. I was no longer a kid, but since I did not have to worry about food or cleaning up the snow or getting anywhere, I loved it. I kept telling everyone how this was my second big snow storm. I could not see all the mounds of snow as I had in 1967, but I new how it looked. We still got our training in, even though most of it in the beginning was done inside of malls.

This storm made us as a class get really friendly with one another. It was like a nice new family. I really enjoyed my month in New york.

I will always remember those two snow storms. They both left me many fond memories.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Rest in peace...

You know that is what people say about a dead person, may they rest in peace. Well, I don't know about you, but I want my peace while I am alive to enjoy it.

Sometimes our peace doesn't come automatically to us, we need to work to find it. If we are always worried and upset about things, our peace will not come. We need to learn to relax. We need to look at some of our past and remember that we went through difficult times before and apparently we made it through, otherwise we would not be here right now. All the worry in the world is not going to make a difference. Ask yourself, when did worrying make things easier to deal with, how much worrying makes things go away, how much worrying makes the outcome better? If you are honest with yourself you will have to admit that no worrying in the world helps to solve anything. All it does is rob you of peace.

Make your own peace, don't allow anyone or anything to rob you of it. Steal a little time for yourself everyday. Clear your mind and be at peace with yourself no matter what is going on around you. Once you have collected your thoughts and are in control, you will find that it is much easier to deal with things. You will find solutions where you thought their weren't any to be found.

Make your PEACE and enjoy it!

Monday, December 14, 2009

Our attitude will affect our mood....

I really believe that our attitude can and will affect our mood throughout the day, even throughout our lives.

I am bipolar, and my mood can change many times during a day, sometimes within minutes. It is difficult to deal with because it is as if something or someone else is controlling you. When i did not know why this was happening it was worse. Now that I know that I am not totally crazy...and know that there are meds. available to help, I can accept it a little easier.

Attitude is so important. That is a good attitude. When I get those moods that are negative and sad, if I feed them with a bad attitude, the mood stays around longer and I feel bad longer. On the otherhand, when I get a good mood, if I feed it with good thoughts it also seems to help to keep the mood positive.

Does it always work? Well, lets say it is a work in progress. It takes time and a whole lot of effort on one's part. Somedays, it is a constant battle. I have learned that the human mind is very strong and capable of so much, but it can also be so fragile and easily disturbed.




Racing thoughts are a large part of bipolar, many thoughts come to you at once not allowing you to concentrate on just one at a time. I don't have the answer on how to avoid this from happening, all I can say is that I try to relax, slow down and wait for the storm to go away. Sometimes it takes longer than others. I strongly believe that those who have sight can benefit in times like this by looking at calming pictures or watching something or someone that can distract you from your oen thoughts. I have heard some people claim that they have a place they go to in their mind wheere they can relax and focus.

Well, whatever one does to help themselves is far better than doing nothing and allowing negative thoughts and moods dictate how we will live our life. I for my part will keep up the fight and try my hardest to keep a good attitude.

Life is not easy, but we have a lot to do with how good or bad it can get. While there are so many things out of our control, don't give up on those that you can control!

Sunday, December 13, 2009

The Bears found a way to do it again...

They lost another game they could have easily won. Mr. Cutler gave it up again. I sure am glad that I am not the fan I was a few years ago. Every Sunday or Monday, I would live and die depending on if the Bears won or lost. One day I caught myself taking a really good look at the players in pro sports, and I decided they did not deserve my devotion. Many if not all of them are just in it for the money. If they win a ring that is cool, but if they don't, they still have that huge paycheck.

Sure there are some that may still be around for the love of the game, but they can't do it alone.

Many folks were expecting greatness from the Bears this year. I could not help wondering if Cutler was so great why did the Broncos let him go? I kinda saw the Bears going down hill when they let Ron Rivera go, as their defensive coach.

As I said I follow sports as a passtime so I am able to enjoy when other teams aside from the home teams win. That is actually a better way to watch sports. Following the teams that are playing with the most heart. At this time that team is the New Orleanss Saints. They are the team to watch.

The Bears found a way to do it again...

Saturday, December 12, 2009

You may have helped someone today..

Someone helped me this evening and they don't even know it. I was at Jewel waiting for my groceries to be bagged, when two young ladies came into the store laughing out loud, it was a joyful laugh that lifted my spirits. I don't know what they were laughing about, I really don't care to know, all I know is that it was great.

I guess it is a matter of attitude, if you have a positive attitude it can carry you through difficult times, or just the occasional blues. On the otherhand if you have a negative attitude, it will do nothing but make you feel worse.

So, SMILE you never know who might be watching!!

Friday, December 11, 2009

I continue my journey...

Today I begin the 54th. year on my journey through life. No need to look back since whatever happened or did not happen will stay that way forever. I look forward to many more years on this journey. Where is my journey taking me? Well, that to me is not what matters, what matters is what I do on my way through my journey of life. To think of where my journey is taking me would mean the end of the journey, and I don't want to end it just yet. I want to continue and be surprised about where it takes me.

How have things changed since 1955?

A gallon of milk cost: .97.
A loaf of bread: .17.
Minimum wage: 1.00.
A brand new car: 1,900.00.

The phrase "In God we trust" started to be printed on all paper currency.

Emmett Till, a black fourteen year old teenager is murdered for not showing respect to a white woman in Money, Miss.





African American Rosa Parks is arrested after refusing to give up her bus seat to a white person in Montgomery Alabama








Technology 1955
First pocket transistor radios available


Fish Fingers are marketed by Bird's Eye


The first Atomically generated power is used in the US




Inventions Invented by Inventors and Country ( or attributed to First Use )
Atomic Clock England
Hovercraft England by Christopher Cockerell

Lego Gotfried Kirk Christiansen

Velcro Switzerland by George De Mestral







Popular Culture 1955
Ray Kroc starts the McDonald's fast food restaurant chain.
First riot at an Elvis Presley concert takes place in Jacksonville, FL
"The $64,000 Question" the popular US television game show starts
James Dean’s stars in the movie East of Eden
James Dean killed in car accident near Cholame, California
First Guinness Book of World Records Published
"The Mickey Mouse Club" debuts on ABC
Popular Films

Oklahoma
The Quatermass Xperiment
Rebel without a Cause
To Catch A Thief
The Quatermass Xperiment
The seven year itch
Popular Singers

Elvis Presley
Bill Haley and the Comets " Rock Around The Clock"
Chuck Berry
Fats Domino.
The Platters

Thursday, December 10, 2009

It sure is cold, but...

I am alive to feel it. I have a warm home and I know that no matter how cold it is, it will get better.

You know this cold brings back memories of when my sister and I would take the Damen bus to school and back. We would hide behind some shrubs on the side of the building to break some of the bitter winds. We would take turns running to the sidewalk to see if the bus was coming so we would not miss it. There were days when I felt as if we were going to die from the cold, but we did not, we lived to see another day.

We weren't spoiled since we did not own a car until much later. Anywhere and everywhere we went was on the bus. We waited in spring, summer, fall and winter. And don't think the buses were like today, their heating left a whole lot to be desired. But, at least it protected you from the bitter wind. I recall getting home and taking off my boots and socks which sometimes wher wet, and I would stand by the floor register to warm up, actually I would stand on the register to thaw out. I don't ever want to get that cold ever again in my life. God Bless all those that aren't as fortunete as I am.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

We've come a long way...

Yeah, i was thinking about how some people change while others stay the same. I am not speaking of looks, I am speaking about attitude. I believe that our attitude is molded by the people and things we surround ourselves with. If you are a member of a group chances are that many of the members have the same attitude on certain subjects.

I will speak of myself. I once had a much different attitude about life. lov, family and friends, than I now have. My opinion is that I am much more open and willing to accept others for what they are. I really feel I was molded by the company I kept. While I don't believe I was a horrible person, I must admit I was closed-minded on certain subjects. I was ok with others having a different view but, I did not want to hear it. Now, I look forward to learning new customs and ideas. I believe now, the the more we learn about others the better we are at communicateing.

As I learn different cultures and beliefs I can build on my own by applying some of the new ideas as they fit. If you ask my son Dave, he will say that I am evolving. He believes in evolution.

I am probably evolving, all I know is that when I look at other people in my life that haven't changed in their ways in many years, perhaps in their whole lives,I wonder if they will ever realize what they have been missing. I think that, that is what brought changes in my outlook. From a very early age I never wanted to be left out. I always wanted to know what was going on. For a time there I fell into a rutt. I just allowed others to dictate how I felt about things in the name of religion. No more Baby! I decide how I want to think and who I want to agree or disagree with. In other words I now pick my own fights.

I even believe now that God views people in general in a different way than I used to believe he did.

My view of what I used to believe as the end of the world has dramatically changed. I know longer believe that God will destroy all but for a small group of people. I am an imperfect man an I would not choose one of my children over another. God is not imperfect, and I believe he also loves all his children. Every single day all around the world babies are being born, would he destroy them before they had a chance to live? I don't know what the future holds for me or anyone else for that matter. But I think we can and owe it to ourselves to stay aware of changes around us and to allow ourselves to grow where possible.

Getting back to those who refuse to accept others or their views, and thereby denying themselves a chance to grow and become a happier and fullfilled person, I have learned to accept them also. After all what kind of open-minded person would I be if I looked down or did not accept those who wish to be closed-minded....

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

The end of another year...

2009 is almost over. Every year about this time folks start thinking back on what did and didn't happen during the year. The news people reflect on world events and the like. In our personal lives we may reflect on the things we had planned to accomplish but for some reason or another did not get to them or started but never finished. You know what is interesting about that? Well, even though we still may have some unfinished business from this year, we are already thinking about what we are going to do next year. How about finishing what we started or intended to do before we move on to something else! Maybe on the other hand you are one of those who accomplished everything they set out to do. Good for you!!

Some may not want to deal with unfinished business believing that if we ignore it it will go away. Sorry to break the news to you, it aint going nowhere. You may be successful in putting it on the back burner for a little while, but until you take care of it, it will always show it's ugly face. Don't put off things that are only going to slow down your ability to succeed in new ventures. Sometimes the outcome of some of the situations we fear the most aren't as bad as we think they are. We may even be pleasantly surprised that getting that load off our backs is just what we needed to move on. On the other hand, If what you are worrying about is something you really have zero control over, well then for God's sake let it go. Don't just put it to rest for a little while, put it to rest for good. Don't try to control things that are out of your control. Why make life more difficult than it already is?

Monday, December 7, 2009

Something the snow reminded me of...

The first real dusting of snow this year happened over night. You would think my Dad had never seen the stuff before the way he was calling my granddaughters, or was it the whole neighborhood?

Well I do admit that the first snow looks nice. But I have shoveled so much snow in my life to last me for a long time.

One thing I do recall was when I was in King School in the 6th. grade. My teacher, Ms. Lytle, was looking out the window from our classroom into my neighborhood, when she said, "This is the only time this neighborhood looks good, when it is covered in white, you can't see all the trash>" Well, even back then that comment bothered me. I felt as I do today that her comment was racially motivated. I am sure that in her little mind she was really trying to say something negative about the people who lived in that area. The area was made up of Hispanic, black, Italian and some white families. After all she did not say how pretty everything looked covered in snow. She said with white all over it.

Now adays she would get in some serious trouble for her comment. I do remember telling my mother. She just told me she probably doesn't like it around here. I am sure she felt what I was feeling but she did not want to stir up my emotions. I could get pretty crazy even as a kid.

Actually, when I give it some thought, many things that were said and done back when I was in elementary school would not be tolerated by students or parents, in some cases even the law.

Oh well, the snow is nice!

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Seems like so long ago..

Seems like so long ago since Janet and I started our family. I was thinking of that and having some warm feelings as I listened to
Enrique and Cindy at their baby shower. There family is just beginning. Hope that their baby is healthy and that they have a long happy life together.

About those feelings I was having, it was just me thinking back to when my children were born, even before that, when Janet was pregnant with our children. I was happy and proud each time. And I still am.

we were so young especially for our first, Jennifer, but we were responsible. We never abandoned our responsibility as parents because of our youth. In fact, we were so crazy about our little girl that we hardly let anyone hold her. And believe it or not we were the same with the next 3 of our children. People always asked to hold them and we would make up some excuse so they would not. It isn't that we did not trust people, simply put they were our babies and we wanted to enjoy every moment with them. You don't want someone else to be the first to see your baby smile, laugh, wake-up and special moments like that.

Janet breastfed our babies and when I could still see, I would watch her and the look she and the babies had, it was a deep stare almost as if they were one. It was special and still is to me.

Whatever anyone does to me in my life, one thing they can not do is to erase thoes memories from my hearth and soul. They are what I am. The whoe webbing of my life is my children.

We got em'

The 339th. day of the year...

And someone just turned 50. So what, as I look at it when you turn 50 you are just half way there. Back in the day life began at 30 then a 40 and now 50. Take me for example I am going to live to be 102. I am going to be 54 next Friday, Dec. 11th., so I have many years ahead of me.

So, no matter your age, if you live life surrounded by those you love and love you, it is all worth it.

All we can do is to control those things that we can and not worry about those we have no say in.

I can't speak for others that are 50 or older, but I can speak for myself. I don't know how old or young I look, but I do know how I feel. Aside from a little stiffness in my back, I feel young. And along with that I am much smarter than I used to be. Just like wine....

Friday, December 4, 2009

What do you say...

Hi I missed you at my mom's funeral...how do you answer that? Sometimes the answer is not as easy as it may seem. Maybe the real reason for doing or not doing something is so personal that you rather keep it that way.

Maybe the reasons believed by the other person may be right on target or not. Of what benefit is it to try and convince them of yourr reason. One could only hope that others know you well enough to give you credit for using good judgement in making your decisions, whatever they might be.

After all is said and done if you can live with your reasons for doing or not doing something, then that is what really matters.

I can live with my decisions.

On a lighter topic...no I have not caught to stupid mouse yet. I have tried cheese and peanut butter, what next , steak?

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Learned something about myself...

Here I am almost 54 and I discovered something about myself. Before I joined fb I felt that I would not care if someone ignored my request for friend on fb. Now that I am on fb and a couple of people have not confirmed me, I started to question why.

If you really give it some thought am I full of myself? Thinking that all would want to be my friend. Well, now that I think of it, I have ignored a few people myself. It does not mean I don't like them as a person, it simply means I don't feel like talking to them everyday...

Getting back to the issue, I do think that all of us are full of ourselves in one way or another.

So, if you are reading this and you are one that has not confirmed, I understand, no, I really do.

I do agree that venues such as fb can turn into a gossip mill, if you want it to be. I like it cause it gives me somthing to do when I have nothing else to do. I refuse to allow it to take up all of my time.

I get bored very easily so lets see.

Getting colder..

Yeah, it is 24 degrees with the wind chill. That is something I feel should be the actual temp. After all, if you feel it it's that cold, no matter what the thermoneter says.

This week sure has flown by. Sorry, for those who had a vacation this week, it is almost over.

Oh yeah, no mouse yet. That is one smart mouse. Maybe I'll keep him around just cause his courage. No, maybe not.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

to celebrate or not..

Well, as you know, I was strickly raised as A Jehovah's Witness, As you may also be aware of, I don't attend any meetings or profess to be one any longer.

One of the things that came with those teachings was not to celebrate holidays cause of their Pagan origin.

Well that was really pounded into my head cause even though I don't practice their religion I don't celebrate the holidays either. The only one I don't feel guilty about is Thanksgiving. maybe cause the purpose of that is just to reflect and be grateful.

Some may think that I just use this as an excuse not to buy gifts and spend my money. That is not the case. I still try to give when I can. But, while I am on the subject of spending money on gifts, if I did buy gifts for birthdays and xmas, every Dec. I would be broke. A bunch of people I know have a birthday in Dec.

For now my conscience will not allow me to participate in those above mentioned holidays, Will this be my stand always? I don't know. Only time will tell how I will feel as time goes on. I have been known to change my mind. But for now it is what it is.

Oh, it is not just one sided, for those who may be thinking that I am okay with accepting gifts, you are mistaken. I tell those close to me not to buy me anything for holidays or birthdays cause it really makes me feel uncomfortable having to say I can't accept. Since I am aware that most people don't share my feelings I just don't want to hurt someones feelings that is all in the giving spirit.

So, when it comes to me save your money. Believe it or not I feel funny recieving gifts at any time. I feel wonderful when I am able to give to someone. I really believe that there is more joy in giving. If I was rich I would soon be in the poor house since I would give to all. Call me crazy, but even when I am at the stores and I hear a child asking a parent for a candy and the parent says no, I feel like buying it for them. But, people are so touchy you need to be careful. They might accuse me of being a child molestor. Far from it, I am just a very caring person.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Well, I did it again. I used my God given right to change my mind. I couldn't sleep last night so I decided to reactivate my face book account. I took my time and went through all the settings so that I could get the most protection allowed by fb.

I am not closing my blog by any means. I will still post info and thoughts here, so stop by and visit.

By the way, I got a response from someone who decided to call themselves anonymous, well I believe I know who you are. Don't worry I won't write your name here. I will however, mention it to you when I see you so that I can verify if I am correct.

On another line of thought. I hope they leave Tiger Woods alone. All families have problems, if that was the case, and we should be left alone to solve them at our own pace.

I heard that they shot that guy who killed 4 cops yesterday. Do you think the cops who found him took pleasure in killing him? Well I can't speak for them, but, we all like revenge in one form or another. After all we aren't the All Mighty.

The night before xmas....

Well when I said 'Silent night' in another post, I meant to say 'the night before xmas' the part that goes. nothing was stirring not even a mouse.

Talking about the mouse, he still has not gotten caught.

Heard from Ireland..

Well, actually heard from Anthony in Ireland. He is fine. He said that time is going by quickly. That is good when you are so far from home and alone.

Monday, November 30, 2009

The mouse...

Not caught yet. I set some new fangled traps and they have not worked, so I went back to the old school trap. I placed 5 traps with cheese. I will get that little blank.

I was thinking of the song 'silent night'. The part that says it is so quiet, not even a mouse. So is it normal for a mouse to be in the house? Not if I can help it.

I have a miniature pinscher, and I read that they were bred to catch mice. I am not so sure that I want Summer to catch a mouse. Since she sleeps in my bed at night.

Yeah, so what! She is my little dog and I can let her sleep wherever I wish.

It is pretty cool since she lets me know if anyone is getting close to my bedroom, no more surprises. I take care of her and she takes care of me.

It is Monday...

Why is it that Mondays seem so negative? At least to me they do. I guess if Tuesday was the first day of the week it would feel the same.

It is already the last day of November. A few people I know will be getting older next month. I am one of those people. I will be 54 on Dec. 11. I don't feel 54, I feel younger.

I will feel much better after I catch that mouse that has been running through my house.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Yeah, this is more like it...

I like this idea of having my own blog. I could speak my mind or not. I may post something everyday, or not.

I have not heard if Anthony left for Ireland yet. He'll be back home before you know it.

The Bears really suck. Hope they lose all the rmaining games. Maybe, then they will get some of that dead weight shipped by next season.

Can't believe that November is almost over and we have not gotten any snow. No, I am not complaining.